At 3.00am this morning I was rudely awoken by the obnoxiously loud note of something extremely invasive and threatening.

That kind of shake up mid-morning really can affect your awareness of your surroundings and I simply had no idea who, what, or when I was. A few moments later after having asked myself a number of questions that essentially became more coherent (Who am I, where am I, what is that noise, what’s the next logical step to cancel out said noise) I realised the house alarm had gone off. What started off as major confusion quickly developed into building concern.

As I rushed down to the living room, I switched the alarm off and took stock of the situation. Immediately I saw the rear garage door open and the security lights on. I didn’t even have to go and investigate to know what had happened. My awesome new bike had been stolen. Again.

Police naturally turned up, looked around and failed to pick up anything apart from the obvious “Ahh we can see what they were after” as soon as he saw the GT3. NO! They are NOT after the bright white Porsche 911 – they are simply fucking jobless scrotes who float amongst the scum of society and reap the benefits that we, as citizens, earn.

A few months back I took a right turn at a junction I was not allowed to do so. Given my extensive time behind the wheel of fast cars and circuit driving, I made the decision to do so and understood it was neither a dangerous nor reckless manouvre. Four days later I had a letter in my box at home with an attatched photo of my car, details of the ‘crime’, information about payment terms etc.

How is it my house gets broken into four times in a year and the police are utterly feckless as to the location, destination, identity of these animals?

The sooner ID cards are issued in this country, the better. Currently, I am hating the world knowing that some fucking cock is on a Canondale Carbon Rush SL1 – and he has no fucking clue.

Sigh….no wonder this country is fucked.